A L!ttlE B!t oF Wh!mSy

has research ever been done about the relationship between boredom and madness?

this was the thought that popped in my mind after hours of thumb twiddling and net surfing at this godawful place where i'm supposed to work...

i know i shouldn't be complaining...i'm paid to take calls and yet in an 8-hour shift, i've only actually spoken with 9 callers. my friend asked me once... "what are you so unhappy about? aren't you supposed to celebrate because of that fact?".

that question got me thinking...

i usually feel happy because of the fact that i don't get as harrassed as my other friends at work...they get more stressed as they normally get twice as many calls as i do. but how much can one woman take?!?!

i've been sitting here for almost seven hours now...surfing the net...talking to my seatmate and other on-line friends who have now all come and gone...and i'm getting bored...and restless...

thus, the birth of that light-bulb moment...

i just think that it would be great if someone can actually find the time to delve into that. if i had the drive, and the knowledge, and the resources i might even do that myself... but then...i don't! so i guess i'll just have to leave that question hanging... =P

i was trying to put some order to my usually messy room when i happened to spot this old delapidated box under my bed. it was all scrunched up, all dusty and worn from years of neglect. i didn't remember what the contents were so armed with curiousity i opened it up and found the doorway to my memories.

the box was stuffed with letters...letters dating from the time when my friend, then bestfriend, then boyfriend, then ex-boyfriend started giving me those nonsensical little post-its. i sorted through them with care, reading some of those letters that i used to guard with my life. i used to lock them up lest my sisters or anyone else, for that matter, sifted through them and got a glimpse of the relationship that we called "ours".

i can't believe that it's been two long years...two years of new memories and experiences stocked in my mind leading me to somehow forget those that i managed to previously cherish. and those slips of paper, with mostly scribbled-in-a-rush notes, allowed them all to come flooding back.

those memories also brought back regrets...i was never one to dwell on them so i just stacked them away in the deepest recesses of my oftenly illogical mind, but still, there are those times when one just wants to go back in time and think about life's what if's...

that happened to be one of those days...

my defenses down, i thought about what might have happened had we not broken up. if i hadn't blown-up that little fight that started it all... could i have been married by now? have a kid of my own? have my own picket-fenced house?

i guess i'll never know... he's with someone else now... someone who's hopefully making him happy.

i didn't think i could feel that way...that i could find it in me to wish them happiness. i guess i've finally moved on...

so now, i'll just have to put those old letters back to where they belong...under my bed and forgotten...

until the next time...